Morning Sickness? I wish I could be one of those women who write this post and say ‘I haven’t had any sickness, please don’t hate me’ with an underlying smugness that they got away with it. However, I have had sickness just about every single day since I was 6 weeks pregnant. I suppose in a sense I am kind of lucky because It actually has been morning sickness, which is better than the all-day sickness you read about. Unfortunately, I have had to take a couple of days off work as the sickness never stopped in the morning sometimes but I am just glad that it wasn’t an all the time thing, just once or twice a month. Sometimes I would think about how it is a good thing that I was being sick because it is the only feeling/sign that you really are pregnant at the beginning. You soon lose that feeling when the minute you wake up you’re sprinting to the bathroom, I am sorry to tell you this but it is just not pleasant.
Scan. The minute/second/millisecond we saw our little baby wriggling around on the screen all those mornings with my head down the toilet became worth it 100%. Ever since the letter with my appointment for the hospital came through I was counting down the days, it was what I was looking forward to the most. When it was getting closer to the time all these fears starting flooding my mind; “what if there is no baby, we are going to go the hospital and there is going to be nothing on the screen and they say that I am being sick because of this new bug”. After the scan I finally felt like I could breathe he/she (until we find out I’m going to call our little one bean) was all curled up in my belly and when the lady asked me to go on my side and wiggle my hips bean sprung up and started moving their little arms and legs. It was literally the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I keep thinking that this is the start of that parental pride where everything your child does is the best thing in the whole wide world.
Worries. Once the fears that there might not be a baby have gone after the scan it starts to really hit home that you’re going to be responsible for this whole other person, forever. Don’t get me wrong I am so so so excited for this little one to be here but, I think it is perfectly normal that you have a little bit of anxiety about how your world is going to change forever in under 6 months. I am an only child and I have never been left in charge of a baby on my own before and the first one I am is mine, totally my responsibility. I’m one of those women who yes, I want a good job, but what is really important to me is being a good mum and having a loving family. I’ve dreamt of and wanted a baby of my own for so long but now it is real. Even now I’m the one whose responsible for keeping my baby safe and giving little bean everything he/she needs to become big and strong before they come into this world. Once in a while I find myself in a state of panic about how I am going to cope but, I just look at the photos or cute little baby clothes and think about when bean is going to be here, and I stop panicking and everything feels fine again. I know that my mothering instinct will kick in when he/she is here and I literally couldn’t be more excited to meet this little one that has made a home in my belly. Bean is going to be a little bit of me and a little bit of the man I love, how can that be something to be scared of?