“Are you scared?”
The closer I get to my due date, the more I find myself answering this question. I honestly didn’t think that I was scared of labour at all, until last night.
It began yesterday afternoon when I took myself on a walk around the block, the whole way I had stomach and back pains and felt a lot of pressure in my pelvis. I thought to myself ‘finally things are starting to happen‘ after having barely anything going on for the past week. When I got home I was so tired therefore I thought it was best to take myself to bed and start watching a new box set on Sky, when all of the pains just stopped. In a bid to keep active later that night I hoovered & cleaned the kitchen, folded all the washing, and reorganised my wardrobe, after which I was having such strong stomach pains and felt really sick. Once again I thought that this was the beginning of it all, of course it wasn’t because it never is. However, the pains that I felt and the feelings I had absolutely terrified me more than I ever thought they would. I thought to myself that if this is the start of labour then the pain is only going to get worse then I started questioning everything I had imagined for the birth.
I haven’t wrote a birth plan but in my head it is along the lines of ‘going with the flow’ and just playing it by ear when it comes to pain relief, ideally I want to manage with just gas & air. I really don’t want an epidural because I don’t want to be in hospital any longer than necessary, and I don’t want any other kind of pain relief injected into me in case it affects baby boy in any way. I’m also well aware that things can go wrong and I have no idea how I will cope with the pain at all so, if I feel like I need something then I want the option to be well and truly open.
All along I have said the thing which I fear the most is the unknown, I have asked all my friends and family who have had babies to try and describe the pain the best they can but from what I gather it is quite hard to put into words. I hope that I can remain calm and I’m not the woman who screams and scares everyone else, I’m relatively quiet most of the time so hope that it is the same in labour. For so long I have been begging for baby boy to come early and getting really excited every time I have the slightest bit of pain, I really wasn’t expecting that the minute the pain got intense I would scare so easily.
I want to hold our son in my arms so bad, my heart completely aches for it when I think about the first time we will meet him. However, it is bound to scare you a little because your life is never going to be the same again (as everyone and their mother likes to tell us). We are never going to be truly alone and worry free for the rest of our lives once this little guy arrives. I am trying to enjoy this time, sleeping as much as I can and soaking up every minute of just being a couple but, it is like being caught between a rock and a hard place. I’m just too excited to meet him and see what and who he looks like.
To summarise, yes I am very scared but I think that it would be weird if anyone wasn’t. This will be the biggest moment of your life.
If you are feeling or you felt the same way at this stage what do you do to keep calm and take your mind off the imminent pain ahead?
I keep thinking I should be taking up baking…