I mentioned in my last update on Milo that he had been quite difficult and it had been a little stressful for me. So on Saturday I left him with my parents for the afternoon while I caught up on some housework, and the mum guilt was unbelievably overpowering especially as he had just had his 8 week jabs. After some (strong) encouragement from my Step-mum I finally got back in the car to go home, I had been making excuses for about an hour as to why I should stay…
I think that the first time I left him was always going to be the hardest because after I did it I felt so refreshed and happier ready to be super mum again. Being a parent is stressful and nobody can say any different, luckily Milo has never suffered from the dreaded colic (touch wood) and we are so lucky. He is a really good baby and I love him more than life itself. It doesn’t make you a bad mum because you want to have a long shower or a hot cup of tea just once in a while so if anyone is offering to help grab that opportunity with both hands and run with it.
Milo doesn’t often cry but sometimes when he does and I have no idea why it really stresses me out, then I have mum guilt because he is just a baby and he depends on me for everything so I have no right to be stressed out. Later when I have calmed down or Ash is around to help me so that I can get something to eat and a drink and I think about it properly I feel even worse for loosing the plot a little. This is why it is important to take all the help you can get, I thought for a while that I was his mum and it is my job to be with him all the time. Ridiculously I thought that people would judge us for asking for help because I wanted to have a baby and so I have to be the one to look after him.
Mum guilt is real people and it comes in many different thoughts, feelings and scenarios.
I know this post has been a bit of a ramble but I don’t know how I properly feel myself, I just needed a bit of an outlet. I also want new mums who feel a little overwhelmed or stressed that it is normal, everyone goes through this just some hide it better than others.
P.S I’ve not slept in 8 weeks…
Love Alex x